A Load of Hot Air


Extensive research has determined that there are only three types of electric hand dryer in existence.

Firstly you have the sleek sci-fi dryer,
The kind that would fit in on Star Trek.
It boasts its prowess in its instructions,
Making you wonder what you are in for.
Wet hands are proffered tentatively,
As immediately a jet like roar starts up,
While an instantaneous nuclear blast of heat,
Makes your flesh vibrate like a cheap fairground ride.
Any water seems to disintegrate,
Leaving your hands with a warm toasty sensation.

Next you have the dryer that you last saw on the History Channel,
A battered metal box surely only fit for scrap.
It clings to the wall like a flailing mountain goat,
Faded instructions lost to the mists of time.
Wet hands are proffered optimistically,
While it starts with the speed of an old moped.
Then it produces a small warm cough,
That fades slowly like a summer breeze.
Hands still partly wet drip on the floor
Then you wipe them on your jeans.

Lastly there are those dryers that no matter how quickly you make jazz hand movements underneath them simply don’t work.