Modern Nursery Rhymes.

Blowing the dust off some of my old poems I found these lurking in the archives, if my memory serves me correctly they were written for a poetry book and some or maybe one was published but I can’t remember which !


There was an old woman who lived in a  shoe – the modern version.


There was an old women who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do.

So for all the fathers she went and sort,

And made them all pay child support.




Humpty Dumpty – the modern version.


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Humpty Dumpty sued the owners,

And won himself a nice cash bonus.



Little Miss Muffett – the modern version.


Little Miss Muffett,

Sat on a Tuffett,

Eating her takeaway.

Along came a killjoy spider,

And sat down beside her,


” Do you know how much calories and saturated fat is in that tray?”



Jack and Jill – the modern version.


Jack and Jill went up the hill,

But soon forgot about the water.

As Jack turned on all his charms,

And now Jill’s got a daughter.