It was a peaceful Christmas night,
I was nibbling a mince pie.
When suddenly my blood turned cold,
As I heard a crashing noise from the sky.
“They’re bloody here again wife, ” I yell,
“It’s a repeat of last year.
Those reindeer are wrecking my roof again,
Load my shotgun please dear.”
Yes those reindeer are on top of my house,
Smashing my guttering and tiles up.
I’m going to give them a special greeting,
With ten rounds of buckshot.
As I climb up I see Rudolph,
With his ruddy nose so bright.
Well he’ll wish he’d switched it off,
As it makes a great target tonight.
Why are the reindeer here anyway?
Making a racket while loitering around.
Just so a fat man can jump down my chimney,
Bringing soot and dirt into my lounge.
And when this obese oaf appears,
He forgets to drop off my presents.
As he’s too busy scoffing my mince pies,
And necking all my sherry.
Well tonight Santa and your reindeer,
I’ll get my revenge for my roof bills.
I’m aiming my shotgun at you,
And I’m looking for a kill.
They can hear me coming it seems,
But they’ve left it too late to get away.
“Put the turkey back in the freezer,” I shout,
“It’s roasted reindeer for Christmas Day.”