Jottings from my note book, day 2

Todays jotting is part two of my never finished plan to write a book entirely in poetic verse form called ” the well oiled robot bar,” ( part one can be found here.) The story was going to be similar to Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy but with more drinking and this section was called, ” hyperspace lager “.

Raise your glass of lager slowly
Let it linger before your eyes.
Admire your drink’s golden shine
That’s better than any planet rise.
You’re now ready to drink
McGuirk’s galaxy famous lager.
Enjoy it you’ve earnt it
But before you go any further.
There’s a few things to tell you
With some forms to sign right now.
It’s just small print but could you
Jot down your blood type as well?
Ok let’s start the questions
Don’t touch that lager just yet.
As depending on your answers
It could be a drink you regret.
Now are you from the planet Rigel?
No, well it’s not hard to tell.
Anyway Rigelians can’t drink lager
As it can cause their fins to swell!
Are you from a parallel universe?
It’s important that I know.
As lager will just makes you sober
Then it might make your head explode.
We’ll skip the other questions
There’s a hundred if that.
Let’s get to the important stuff
Before your beer goes flat.
Please sign here, here and here
Then download a copy of your will.
Pose for your grave’s hologram
Now take this small blue pill.
You want to know what the pill’s for
Ok I’ll tell you just don’t shout.
It stops intergalactic body snatchers
Cloning you if you happen to pass out.
Oh you don’t want your lager now
You say you don’t fancy the taste.
Well just leave it there my friend
I’ll see it doesn’t go to waste.


I am the Resurrection.

As my last non poetry blog breathes its dying breath I’ve decided to resurrect this blog and continue writing poems, commenting on the absurdities of life, linking my poetry segments for podcasts and just generally malinger.


I’m going to update this site so you no longer have to download anything to listen to it hopefully soon you will just click and listen , wooh the future is here. Plus I’m going to bring all the archives up to date so all my work is stored on here but most importantly I’m going to write lots of poems and not give a flying fu@k if anyone is reading them or not.

here’s a work in progress

The Well Oiled Robot Bar

Have you ever visited the Ursa-Major cluster?
No? Well spacers say it’s a pleasant sort of galaxy.
Hitchhiking guides say it has some fantastic culture,
That can be found the length and breadth of its locality.
But this cultures often ignored by spaceships passing through
Rocketing in the direction of the cluster’s planetoid.
Once their scanners target it they proceed without delay
To park their rockets on its one orbiting asteroid.
So why do so many astronauts find it worth their while
To fly all the way to this asteroid from near and far?
Well it’s because here travelers can slake their thirst in style
At the one and only infamous, “Well Oiled Robot,” bar.
But why is all this intergalactic alcoholism going on?
Why all this excitement about the, “Well Oiled Robot,” bar?
When there are plenty of other nicer boozers besides this one
Which are on Ursa-Major’s more pleasant planets and stars.
Don’t look for answers in the bars origins, they’re unknown,
It’s always been there and that’s all folk know.
Just a battered set of oxygen pods the drunks call home,
With a sign hanging outside that’s always failed to glow.
You won’t get any answers from the bar’s owner, McGuirk
He never really says much as he’s rarely sober.
He just woke up there when he should have been at work
Finding overnight he had become the bars new owner.
Even though McGuirks never been a friend of sobriety
As I’ve said the Robot’s still a much frequented bar.
So what then has contributed to its notoriety
That brings aliens and spacers to it from near and far.
There’s no chance that it’s the bars decor that’s
Attracted so many visitors through its airlock doors.
As piles of unswept space dust and frolicking rabid roid rats
Are among many of the bars more unpleasant flaws.
Also I’m sad to say Tiberius McGuirk lacks a certain charm
There is no way his looks got this bar so well recommended.
As his beery breath, digital teeth and tattooed hairy arms
Are hardly something that’s going to be well commended.
Few know that McGuirk used to be an infamous bootlegger
So he is actually a brewer of exceptional skill.
And once tasted all do agree that his hyperspace lager
Makes any other beer you had taste like alien swill.
So its lager that’s the Robot’s special feature
That’s what makes its lovers travel many a light year.
Once tasted all agree from human to alien creature
The “Well Oiled Robot,“ serves the galaxy’s best pint of beer.