Bladder Control to Major Tom


If you find that you prefer Master Chef to the Walking Dead
If you’d rather neck a bottle of Sanatogen than a bottle of red.
If you can’t remember when you had more than stubble on your head
If it takes at least two Viagra just to get you out of bed.
If you remember vinyl the first time it was around
If it’s only when your hip gives way do you actually get on down.
If you don’t have a onesie but prefer an old terry towelling dressing gown.
Then bloody hell you must be old.

If you think Stormzy is what appears as the rain begins
If you think Little Mix is something that goes in gin.
If you think you’re already going to Hell so who cares if you commit another sin
If reading the obituaries of your old school friends makes you grin.
If you only have to look at a doughnut and you get fat
If your favourite type of pussy is a neutered tabby cat.
If your more confused than a chameleon in a Skittles bag
If your mates can’t remember opal fruits and insist they’re Starburst then that is that.
It’s a sign that just like me you’re bloody old.

 

Happy Seventh Birthday to my blog!

10 thoughts on “Bladder Control to Major Tom

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